2 months ago, you changed our world.  We always knew you would, we just thought it would be in a different way.

We thought we would be rocking and shushing you to sleep at night and putting you to bed in our room where we would have to tiptoe and whisper and use our iPhone light to stumble around so we wouldn’t wake you.

We thought I’d be waking up with you several times a night and holding you to my breast as I stared at you, mesmerized, and tried to remember how long it took for Aiden to sleep through the night.

We thought we would be putting you in the carrier and walking Aiden to school together in the morning, enjoying the sunshine and shenanigans of your older brother.

We thought we would be playing with all the other babies at the park, watching you try to figure out the world around you.

We thought you would be losing your shit at Aiden’s swim lesson/the grocery store/the sight of mom’s back.

We thought we’d be gently teaching Aiden not to sit on your face anymore.

We thought you would be a great snuggler.

We thought we’d be taking turns holding you during the evening while we made it through the nightly chaos of dinner, playtime and bedtime.

We thought you would adore your big brother even though he was going to be an asshole to you sometimes/every day.

We thought we would be collapsing at the end of the day, exhausted, but so happy to be your mom and dad.

Instead, 2 months ago, you showed us that love and pain are sometimes inseparable.

You taught us that 9 months carrying you, 1 night bringing you into the world, and 6 hours holding you will never be enough – but it was still a gift.

Miss you so much, baby Rowan.